That's what this has been all leading up to.
The moment I will sit in my doctors office and have him share the findings of my MRI.
The emotions I have right now are all over the place. On one hand I feel confident that I am accurate in my assumption that it is MS. On the other hand I am silently praying that I am wrong.
Initially I was very selfish in my thinking about what this has cost me and taken away from me. It has shattered me, and thinking about the path my life may be on now if this is MS is terrifying. My thoughts have now turned to my family. First it was what it has taken away from them as a mother who can no longer do those things that I took for granted with my children. Now I find myself thinking darker thoughts. What if my girls get MS? I have intentionally kept my Mom in the dark about all of this because I didn't want her to have the guilt of passing this on to me. But nowhere during those weeks did I allow myself to think that maybe one day my daughters will be faced with the same things I am going through right now.
During my sleepless night last night I found myself pleading with God and begging my Dad to do everything he can to make this all better. MyDad was the handiest best fit it guy I knew. I would go to him without hesitation when something needed fixing. Not only did he fix it, he taught me how to do it on my own. I so need my Dad to do that right now.
No comments:
Post a Comment