Monday, October 8, 2012

Changed

I can be changed by what happens to me,
 I refuse to be reduced by it. 

In two days I will be returning to work. I haven't worked since November 23,2011. In the past 10 months I have been changed by what happened to me. 

I had the CCSVI procedure.  Less than 6 months later I received confirmation that my veins narrowed again.  I switched my injectable medication from one that makes me sick every other day to one that makes me sick once a week. I had my second MS attack and my first round of IV steroid treatments. My disease changed in classification by SaskHealth from clinically isolated syndrome to Multiple Sclerosis. 
The things that happened to me changed me. I am no longer the person I was. But they have also taught me lessons. They taught me to take a chance. There is greater risk in never trying. I have no regrets about the CCSVI procedure.
I have also learned that it is ok to give up and try something else. In deciding to switch medications it took a lot of soul searching and I had to come to the realization that by changing meds I wasn't admitting defeat or failing but merely changing my plan of action to fight my disease. 
When faced with my 2nd attack I was also taught that every choice you make is not set in stone and based on circumstances you may want to change your mind. Never say never. I said I would NEVER take the steroid treatments to treat my MS attacks. After my neurologists laid out my options after my attack this summer I chose the steroid treatment. I was changed by what happened to me, but not reduced by it.

I am returning to work in two days....I am returning changed but I am also returning with the hope that I will be able to make my return to full time. As illogical as I know it is, I base some of my self worth on my ability to succeed at work. I want this. I want to be a full time employee, a mom, a school volunteer, a hockey mom, a ringette coach, a loving mother, daughter and wife. I want to be all these things inspite of the fact that I am also a person with MS.

I'm hoping despite the changes I will succeed. Wish me luck!


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