Highs & Lows

I had my share the past 21 days.  My highs were the early days where my symptoms were so slight I could pretend nothing was happening, or the days I was given reassurance from my health care providers that they were working promptly to not only diagnose this, but help me get better.  The lows were the days that my symptoms were bad or progressing.  They were the moments I received the news that I had a 4 to 6 week wait for my MRI, and they were when another symptom arose that had all the signs of MS.
These highs and lows have caused a lot of stress in my life, stress that I so do not need right now.  I desperately want my body to heal and today I realized that I need to find patience and accept that this is what my life is right now.  I have been so worried about what I cannot do anymore and what I have played out in my mind that I will never do again that I have lost sight of the good. 

I can still walk, my vision is unaffected, my speech still clear.  I have 4 wonderfully healthy children, a great loving husband and friends who have provided me with a support system to get me through all those lows.

I have found a peace today in the midst of all this stress and chaos.  I have made the choice not to go out of province for an MRI.  People may not understand my reasoning, but if I choose to go it will be another very stressful week of waiting and then days after until the appt with the doctor.  And there is a big possibility that the results may be inconclusive.  I have changed my perspective and thinking today.  With that change I feel a calmness which I need to get myself better.
I dont want people to think I have given up, because that is far from the truth.  I am not giving up but conserving my energy to get healthy.  I am learning patience and more importantly acceptance.  I need to accept that I may have MS.  If once I get that MRI it shows I dont have it then it will be the best news ever......and if not at least I will be steps ahead and stronger and ready to deal with it.

Thank you and please dont stop the prayers and positive thoughts
(((hugs)))