Directions and a compass

Directions are something my husband doesn't like to use.  I on the other hand thrive on the structure and the step by step aspect of it all.  For a few days I was without my directions.  I was completely lost.  I let my mind wonder down all sorts of roads, roads that are maybe not necessarily the right direction.

Yesterday I faced these medical issues I have been dealing with head on  I confided in Bob finally, sharing with him my fears and thoughts.  We talked about the options we have regarding what directions we can use.  My life, as scary and unknown as it is right now, has the direction that it was lacking.

It's funny because I dont know anything more about what is causing my body to fail.  I still wake up with my entire right side numb.  I still have all those fears.  But now I also have direction.  I have a plan, on Monday I have steps to take to put in place our directions.

A few posts ago I said knowledge was power but sometimes that knowledge is scary.  I now know what is more frightening than the knowledge, its the unknown.  Not knowing what is slowing taking away my physical abilities that I once took for granted is far more frightening.  Because of this I now have purpose and drive to not only find out what is causing this, but to bring back everything that has been taken away.  I have 4 children and a husband that need me.  That is my direction.  And luckily while our health care lacks direction I have so many supporters that are by my side providing me direction in case I get off track.

My supporters include my husband, who has been my rock but I have to remember to keep leaning on him and sharing everything with him.  It also includes some close friends who have offered everything from watching the kids to shopping for groceries, a manager at work whose support is a breath of fresh air compared to the boss I had while dealing with McKinley's ear issues as a toddler.  I feel her support as genuine and sincere and I appreciate it because it allows me to put my focus and energy where it needs to be right now.  Lastly and certainly not least is my FOAF group of friends.  This group, originally founded based on fertility issues has morphed into more than I would have ever dreamed.  Over the past 6 years we have supported each other through fertility issues, pregnancy, parenting woes, financial crisis', family deaths, cancer.  Each time anyone in the group needed support there was no hesitation.  I have been supported as well as offered support to  others.  When I faltered in my courage to go to the doctor they gave me the courage.  When I was convinced that I was going to take that wrong turn in my directions they steered me back into the right way.
I am thankful today for all the people in my life that proven to be my compass.