Base Line

I don't want to inject the avonex. Not today, not next week and not ever.
I'm tired of the side effects and I can easily come up with a list of reasons why I could miss the injection. The excuses are easy to supply. But just as easy to think of are the issues I deal with constantly on a daily basis in regards to my MS.

Today I suffered the painfully cold hand that felt like knives were cutting my hand and left my hand bright red and painful for a long time.  I've been suffering with increased numbness and lack of movement in my right hand as well. Abilities that I regained after my first attack have been taken away. And I am saddened by the fact that I took them for granted even after I promised I wouldn't.
Simple tasks like doing my hair, brushing my teeth, starting the car, writing, are no longer simple for me. How did this happen?  What could have I done differently?

I have spent the past several days thinking about an MS patients 'base line'. My Mom recently had an MS attack and was given solumedrol. That was a week ago and she is still unable to walk and use her legs. Is this her new base line?  Just like that she is no longer able to live in her home alone?
Do I need to live like nothing is a given?  At any moment I could be like my Mom and lose the ability to walk, have a permanent catheter, have a right hand that is completely useless?  Each time her base line slid down did she mourn what she lost and promised that she wouldn't take anything for granted?