December 4th

I was reminded again this past week just how wonderful and generous the people are in my life. The moment I shared my decision to have the CCSVI procedure I was given nothing but positive feedback and support.
That made the somewhat scary and unknown future a little easier to handle. The anxious feeling I have about the procedure sometimes gives me a pit in my stomach.

The whole idea of a tube being inserted into my groin and a balloon put in to inflate a vein is a little unnerving. Then I think not only about the support of my friends and family, I think about my kids. I want to do this for them. So that I can be the Mom that has MS but doesn't look like it.

Ive also been thinking a lot about my Dad. This is certainly one of those times where his voice can be heard clearly, "do what you think is right". I think this is the right thing to do. I also feel comforted by the fact my Dad had this procedure on his arteries more than once. My dad also had open heart surgeries. What he went through was far riskier and scarier than this procedure, but he did it. I think he did it for his family. He did what he thought was right. Because of his decision I was able to have my Dad in my life for 35 years.

I'm flying to California December 4th for a procedure to hopefully slow down or stop the progression of MS. I am also hoping and praying that after surgery I will be able to feel and use my right hand again like I used to 7 months ago. I try not to focus on the possibility of regaining the feeling and coordination back in my right hand, but it's so hard to do when each morning it's the first thing you think of when you wake up, of the constant reminder throughout the day when I can't feel.
My main reason for having this procedure is to ensure I do everything to stave of the disability phase of multiple sclerosis. But when I allow myself to dream and think about the possibility of this procedure giving me the feeling back in my right hand I get so excited.

I won't allow myself to feel the disappointment if in fact the feeling doesn't come back in my right hand. And if I do feel that disappointment I have those wonderful friends and family that will help me get past that and focus on the good.