Always

“There’s a difference between acceptance and resignation.

I’ve accepted that this is my situation,

but I’m not resigned to the fact that it has to be this way always.” 

                                  - Michael J. Fox

This is a struggle for me.  This weekend we took our artificial tree out in preparation for decorating it for the holidays. It reminded me of last year when I did the same thing. I remember the frustration from the lack of feeling and coordination in my hand while I tried to shape the branches.  

Last year was a little easier to accept because I had hope that the CCSVI procedure would help my symptoms lessen. I also had hope that the symptoms were still new enough that they would diminish. The hope was a welcome feeling that stopped me from feeling that it had to be that way always. 

A year has passed. It was probably a bad idea to get the tree out today. I was already having a bad day....things are a little off with my balance, feeling nauseous and the tremors have recently come back in my right arm/hand which is messing with me a little more than usual.
I got the tree out, assembled it and there it sits.....the branches not shaped and fixed. I walked away. I need to work it out in my head and in my heart that it isn't always going to be this way.

The tree can wait.