A New Year & A New Plan

As 2011 was coming to an end I spent a lot of thought of what my new years resolutions for 2012 would be. I quickly came up with a few.
1. Lose 40lbs
2. Run 10k
3. Be more positive and patient when parenting my children

As I was compiling this list I thought back to my 2011 resolutions. I remember resolving to lose weight and be healthier through diet and exercise. While the motivation behind that goal changed I still reached it by losing over 60lbs and exercising regularily. How can I make resolutions for 2012 if I don't know what the future holds for me with my MS?

The thing I hate most about this disease is the unknown. Fear of the unknown is far worse than knowing. I don't know what to plan for, what to expect.
Because of the unknown and my fears I added to my list.
5. Complete a Will
6. Plan for a relapse

My husband and I have never completed the steps to have a Will drawn up. It has to get done this year.
The last resolution was a hard one to think about. Again it is the fear of the unknown that makes it hard to think about. To plan for a relapse is the logical and responsible thing to do. It would help ease some of my fears knowing I have the support in place to help my husband and children when I am unable to. At the same time, to plan for a relapse means acknowledging that it may happen, it means entertaining thoughts of losing my sight, being unable to walk, difficulty speaking or thinking. Those are my biggest fears.
But I'm not alone. I bet anyone, with or without MS, would feel the same fear grip them when they think about not seeing, speaking or walking even for a short time. It helps calm me a little knowing I am not alone and these fears are normal.
Lastly my final resolution of 2012: love my life and all the good in it
I have to keep focusing on the positive and good things. These good things can be something little like my son snuggling with me in the morning. It can be something big like the steak night fundraiser to help with the CCSVI expenses.
Noting and appreciating all that is good in my life gives me the strength and hope I need to fight the unknowns do MS.

Happy New Year!