Heavy Handed

Im trying to understand the recent changes in my MS and I'm reminded of the early days of my attack and how difficult it was to try to explain the feelings and sensations to someone who hasn't experienced this. And in the early days I was a 'someone' who hadn't experienced this before.
But today I am different, I am someone who has lived with MS and the symptoms from my initial attack for over a year. I have felt the MS hug tight on my ribs unable to take a deep breath, the heavy and tight feeling in my arms and legs, the unexplained itching in my neck, the muscle spasms and twitches, dizziness, loss of balance, the numb tingling heavy hand.
These and so many more symptoms are easier for me to understand but yet still so hard to explain to those around me that haven't had to live with them.

It's not something I want to speak about just yet as it makes it more real, but I know something is different. It is a fine line between being aware of the changes in my body and obsessing over those changes.

This is how they define a relapse:
A relapse is a clinically significant event (meaning that it has outward signs and/or symptoms) caused by an MS lesion on your brain or spinal cord. It is either a worsening of symptoms that you already have, or the appearance of new symptoms lasting at least 24 hours. Relapses are also referred to as "exacerbations," "attacks" or "flares."

What is going on right now with the heavy arm and leg and the increased tingling sensation might very well be a relapse. Until it interferes with my daily activities or worsens I am going to remain positive and calm and hope this slowly subsides. I am going to try to minimize my stress which is proving to be a challenge while my 18 year old son continues to struggle to find his way.

This is the part where faith plays a big part in getting me through this. I could lay awake obsessing about my sons life lessons. I could panic when I think of all the abilities I lost in my first MS attack. But instead I will have faith, faith that Austin will learn from the choices he has made and know that we love him unconditionally. Faith that I am strong enough to fight this disease.