If I Didn't Have MS

This morning I'm indulging in the little game!"How would my life be different if I didn't have MS?"

I think about how productive I would be at work. I would be working full time. Typing and writing like a fiend. I would be able to punch numbers with ease and without mistake on the phone and keyboard. I would be involved 100% with the daily goings on amongst my coworkers in the office. It has been so long that I find it hard to recall the positive attributes that I used to bring to the table as an employee.

I think about the carefree attitude I would still have. My entire life and the way I look at life and how I live has changed so much. I remember a few months before I had my first symptoms of MS show up I was on a winter holiday in Cancun. I am so thankful for that holiday. While it isn't going to be my last holiday it was the last one I took where I didn't know I had MS. I layed by the pool and on the beach completely relaxed and content with my life. There was no fears of what the future would bring, no constant thought that I have an incurable disease.

If I didn't have MS I would feel both my hands and all 10 of my fingers each morning when I woke up. If I didn't have MS my fingers would move the way I want them to without trembling. If I didn't have MS I would feel the painful sensation of needles in my hand and wrist. If I didn't have MS my right leg wouldn't give out from under me. If I didn't have MS I wouldn't suffer flu symptoms every other day after my injections. If I didn't have MS I wouldn't have red bruises on my stomach and thighs from the needles. If I didn't have MS I wouldn't feel the insane itching on my neck each night. If I didn't have MS I wouldn't go to sleep at night with the tremors and spasms in my right arm and awake to an aching tightness in that same arm every morning. If I didn't have MS I wouldn't have episodes of dizziness and loss of balance.

If I didn't have MS I wouldn't live with the uncertainty and fear of when the next attack will come and how bad it's going to get. If I didn't have MS I wouldn't wonder how many more years of walking unassisted I have.

There is a lot about my life that would be different and better if I didn't have MS, but I also have to acknowledge the good that has come from from the fact I have MS.

Because I have MS I am thankful for my good days, my healthy and happy family, my supportive family and friends. Because of my MS I appreciate the things I haven't lost or that I have regained.

Because of my MS I try to live in the right now and enjoy each moment.