Knowing what you need to do is usually the easy part of life, the following through and actually doing the right thing is the hard part. I am in that place right now.
I remember as a teenager my parents always gave me that heavily weighted phrase "You do what you think is right". They were very wise with that statement. I knew exactly what the right thing was, but the whole internal battle between knowing the right thing and acting on it was sooo hard sometimes.
For the past several days I have been hearing my parents' voices in my head telling me to "Do what you think is right". I have been experiencing a tingling/numbness in my thumb and forefinger. This morning that numbness has increased and is not running along my pinkie and into my hand, even limiting the strength to make a fist.
See, simply looking at it I should go see the doctor right? Get it checked out and find out it is carpal tunnel or a pinched nerve and deal with it. But it isn't that simple. Whenever I give it that extra thought my mind runs through other possibilities. My Mom, Aunt, Great Aunt and several distant cousins have MS. My webMD degree had me googling these symptoms and it COULD very well be sometime more sinister than a pinched nerve or carpal tunnel. It could be MS.
This symptom alone might not have me worried, but 7 years ago before I got pregnant with McKinley I suffered from some very unusual symptoms. So much that I saw a neurologist and had an MRI scheduled. There were times that I was having difficulty speaking or forgetting the words that I was wanting to speak. It was the strangest sensation. Unfortunately our health care system has some issues and by the time I got my MRI date I was pregnant with McKinley and the symptoms were a thing of the past.
The appointment with the neurologist was good, he gave me hope that it could be something else, I could have been suffering from migraines without the aura. That sounds logical. So much more logical than the MS which lingered on my mind.
So now that I am faced with symptom #2 this "doing the right thing" is getting harder and harder. I am even too scared to say anything to my husband or friends because I know they are going to vocalize my parents voice in my head and I'm not ready yet.
I need more time to get the courage up to do the right thing.
Hugs, my friend. You had the courage to tell us here. We'll help you with the next step, making sure you get this checked out before you put it off too long. Now, I need to just go and think about when I should bug you next, so you don't say "ugh, what a nag...". =)
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