Waving goodbye

Despite of all the issues that have been coming up we are scheduled to board a plane tomorrow morning for a week's vacation in Cancun.
I can say that I smoothly handled all the work issues and crisis' that I faced this week and with a late departure on my last day yesterday I am feeling content that things are left in a good place and hopefully will run smoothly while I am gone.
I can also say that Austin is starting to feel better, recovering from his lingering sickness.  We are  also starting an iron rich diet and supplements for his anemia.  And a new ADHD medication that hopefully will get him back on his path.
The weather while dumping hoards of snow on us, is starting to warm up here and hopefully no more blizzards before we take off tomorrow morning.

I had a mantra I kept repeating this week as the schedule was crazed....."Cancun, soon I will be in Cancun."  It worked like a charm up until last night.  Yes, last night shortly after walking in the door from work/daycare Reid threw up ALL over the kitchen.  It was horrible to have him crying in pain with his sore tummy, and even more horrible having vomit splattering all over us, the walls etc.  But the worst thing is that the saying that helped me through the week was freaking me out "SOON I will be in Cancun"!!!! I will not be at home with my sick little boy, I will be away for 7 entire days. 
I spent much of my night holding and nursing my little baby and thinking those thoughts.
Luckily today is a new day, the toast and rice has stayed down, his colour is better, he isnt complaining of a tummy ache. 
Maybe, just maybe soon I will be in Cancun AND enjoying myself.

Drinking it in

Sometimes those perfect moments and memories sneak up on you.  Like this morning.  Austin is sick and wanted to come stay with us again.  We spent the morning together in the kitchen talking while I made lasagna's.  I had a hard time not grinning from ear to ear the whole time.
I am drinking up the greatness of this morning and am so thankful for wonderful memories we can still make despite everything.
I love you Austin!!!!

My Plate Runneth Over

I have a plate that holds all things I am responsible for.  The plate is heaping right now, close to toppling into an irrresponsible mess. 
I try to stay on top of it by being organized and plan ahead.  It isnt working.  Last night I took my daughter to her 9:00 ringette game, but it was infact at 8:00. 
I am trying to arrange my full time work schedule to accomodate my Mom's cardiologist appointment and my son's child psychologist appointment.  There is only so much room on my plate. 
My husband and I often split up on evenings and weekends in order to accomplish alot of these responsibilities. 
I am thankful that my husband and my 14 year old daughter often put their plates next to mine to catch the spills.

What makes this plate of responsibility the worst is that all of the stuff I have on there for my Mom is stuff that I dont want to do.  Stuff I shouldnt have to do and definitely stuff she doesnt appreciate me doing.  I dont want to sound like a horrible daughter, but she expects so much of me and is demanding in what she wants me to do and never once says thank you.  That doesnt even include her untruthfulness and irresponsible behaviours where I am left with nothing to do but treat her like a child. 
How did I get here?  And more importantly how do I get out?

Maybe in another post when I am ready I will share more on that whole f'd up situation. 

And again...

Disappointed yet again. While I am so happy that the kids pictures turned out well and we were able to capture their smiles and the love between siblings, the evening ended badly.
Austin promised Reid he would be here for the weekend. He went to hockey practice and was to come home after. Now I have a little boy who is going to wake up in the morning to disappointment. There is a long story from Austin like there always is. With Austin there are excuses, lies and bad choices.

I wish for so much more for Austin and our family.

Disappointed again

My usually positive self is trying hard not to let things get me down, but sometimes its hard, so damn hard.

I was really excited the other day to have Austin come for a visit and stay overnight with us.  Reid was very excited as well to finally spend some time with his big brother.  Well, it came down between spending time with his family or playing xbox.....it doesn't take a genius to figure out which one he chose.

Selfishly I am disappointed for the time I will miss spending with him, but more importantly for the family that yet again misses out.  The hardest is to try to explain to a little 3 year old boy who thinks the world of his big brother.
:(

:HS (Holy Sheep)

Ok, no amount of lists are going to calm me down.  I looked at my calendar today and realized that our trip isnt a month away, it isnt even 3 weeks away, it is a mere 19 days. 
I need to do some serious preparing tonight.  The part about vacationing that sucks is that the rest of my life is still going on.  It's still spinning just as fast as it was before we added the vacation into the mix of things.  I need to keep up with all the every day issues and activities PLUS add the organization of a vacation. 

It has been 9 years since Bob and I went on a hot holiday.  That is a long time in the making, but from what I remember of the holiday, once we are there we will be able to relax and just enjoy the time. 
I am also very excited to share this experience with Tay.  Her excitement is contagious, it makes me excited just talking to her about all the first time's she is going to have. 
As easily as I could talk myself into a nervous breakdown about all the lists and things that need to be done before we leave in 19 days, if given the opportunity I am also able to talk myself down off that ledge and think about the great times we are going to be having. 
It also helps that Reid and McKinley are SUPER excited for us to leave.  Any nagging concerns I may have had easily get washed away because they are both looking forward to their special time with Poppa & Grandma. 
I can still remember the times I was able to spend with my Grandparents when my parents went away.  I dont remember the sadness about being left behind at all, but I do remember all the wonderful memories with Grandpa & Grandma. 

Deep breaths......I can do this.  Everything is going to be OK.

Theraputic Lists

Our Cancun holiday is rapidly approaching.  As excited as I am about the actual trip, I am one of those people that gets anxious about having things at home go smoothly in my absence.  Does that make me a control freak?

I find the actual making of the lists and crossing off of the items as they are accomplished theraputic.  So this weekend on my list of things to do was to make a few lists :)  I made a list of things to take on the trip, I made a list of the scheduled activities we will be missing, a list of people to notify that we will be gone and a list for the inlaws while they are here with the little ones.

Now looking at those lists may make some people anxious, but to me it's calming. 
If only I could get all of the issues in my life to be simplified into these calming theraputic lists.

La, La, La, La

McKinley is very musical.  She is learning so much in her piano classes and loves to sing everything and anything.
I am proud to say after two months she knows several songs, including 'Ode to Joy'. 
She comes home with so many new songs from school, music classes and daycare.  With Halloween she was thrilled with all the new songs especially for the holiday.

I have to share the one that stuck in my and my husbands heads.  It is to the tune of Farmer in the dell.  And the one verse goes, 'The witch takes a bat, the witch takes a bat'  But when you are 5 and singing without a care in the world the words can sometimes get mixed up.  This is what we heard 'the bitch takes a wat, the bitch takes a wat'. 
You would have loved to see the look on our faces as she was singing. 
Priceless moment and one that will continue to put a smile on our faces for a long time to come.

Blessings

Yesterday I was just saying how thankful I was for a day off work without it being filled with appointments and responsibilities.  I was looking forward to spending the day with Reid & McKinley and the afternoon with Tay.  The kids were excited to have a stay home daycare day as well. 
I was even more pleased when last night my 16 year old son phoned me to ask if he could come spend the day with us and if I could take him to the doctor as he still isnt feeling good.
While he doesnt live with us anymore I felt so touched that he remembered that I was still here for him.
I love that he take comfort in the time spent with us.  As unsure as I am about everything we are going through with Austin, I know that I can count on the love between us all.
Today I am going to enjoy this happy little feeling in my heart and be thankful for all I have.