People keep asking me how I feel about the impending date, and in all honesty while it feels strange to be leaving my 30's I am ok with my new place in the 40's.
I remember certain numbers of significance in my life. 16 when I got my drivers licence, turning 18 a month before I graduated high school. I remember my 19th birthday as my life was about to change.....in a few months I would become a mother for the first time. 21 was another big birthday, it was marked by a newborn child just three weeks before.
My 24th birthday was my first as a single mom. I remember that I was scared as to where this new life would lead but I also felt strength and independence.
My 28th birthday would mark my last year as a single mom as that is the year I married Bob. I remember feeling the certainty that this was the man I was meant to be with forever.
My 30th birthday was much like this big 4-0. I was very content with my place in life. I was newly pregnant with McKinley after months of trying. I remember feeling this urgency to be pregnant before I turned 30. Since we were just weeks into the pregnancy I remember hiding it with friends while we celebrated my big day. It was easy to pretend to be drunk on the liquor I was pouring into the house plants as I was drunk on the secret happiness Bob and I shared.
My favourite number is 33, so I found it fitting that when I turned 33 my family was complete with the addition of Reid. I remember while I didn't get much sleep that year thanks to my little man, I felt like our family was what I had dreamed of.
My 35th birthday was my first birthday I celebrated without my Dad. That entire first year he was gone was hard. The Father's Day, Christmas, birthday.....it all felt so wrong and so lonely without him. That was the first time I felt the shortening of my life. Not because I thought 35 was old, but because I thought 60 was young.
The year I turned 36 would mark the last birthday I would celebrate where I didn't share it with MS. 9 months later I would be diagnosed with an all too familiar disease to me....Multiple Sclerosis. It took awhile for me to work through my emotions and to find a place where I could move past that diagnosis and be more than someone defined by my disease.
Now I can look back on the past few years and those birthdays and realize they were causes for celebration. Each birthday I was able to find the good and the blessings in my life. I think my birthday celebrations have changed and I reflect on what I am thankful for and where I am right now.
So this years birthday will be no different than my blog from when I turned 39.
I feel blessed for the loved ones that are still here in my life, and also those who watch over me from above. I feel blessed for my health and my happiness.
I cannot wait to celebrate all these blessings.
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