I've been missing Austin an awful lot lately. I don't miss my son, the drug user, liar and manipulator. But I miss the kind hearted boy that he is. I miss his big smile and that quirky sense of humor that is so much like mine.
I want to believe that part of my son is still in there and that 'this too shall pass' and one day he will come back. I've lost count of how many times I have thought he was at a turning point or low point in his life and that he was going to make a change. I've been wrong each and every time.
And now with this new friend.....drugs I hardly know my son anymore and a little more of the boy I miss seems to fade away.
I spend more time thinking about the early years and wonder where I went wrong, what I could have done differently so that he would be in a better place in his life right now. My mind also wonders down the dark and scary thoughts of how much worse can things get?
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