Weak In The Knees

I used to think of that term differently than I do now.

I have taken a break from my blog because this is the place where I am honest with myself and I wasn't ready for that.

I have become weak in the knees.  But this isn't from feelings of love, it is from Multiple Sclerosis.
I hate the new symptoms of this disease just as much as I hate the ones that have lingered for over a year.  To be honest I think I prefer the lingering well known symptoms.  I have gotten used to them, I know what to expect, how to adapt to the short comings they cause me.  Me and the numbness, tingling, tremors etc. have learned to coexist.
What I haven't gotten used to is my unsteady feet, falling down stairs and the heavy weighted legs that I have been experiencing.  Walking, or more specifically not walking is my biggest fear with MS.  I am not ready for that.

This is a big week for me, two doctors appointments to go over the recent MRI and also to confirm whether the CCSVI procedure that I had done in December still has things flowing good.  The other reason for the appointments is to get my return to work papers approved and signed by my doctors.  I don't want to tell them about the increasing tremors in my right side or the legs that just give out sometimes. That would risk my plans of returning to work.

What I really want the doctors to say is that they were wrong and I dont have MS.  I will agree to something, but something that is curable and not progressive.  Not this numb, tingling weak kneed disease I have.