For my Mom it is over 18 years that she has been living the the knowledge that she has MS.
And she has been brave and fought a good fight but she is growing weaker and more frail each day.
As I was driving to Melville to spend the day with Mom I shed a few tears for the Mom I have already lost. No longer can I call her on the phone and share in our days with each other. I miss picking up the phone and talking to her. Because her voice is so weak and barely a whisper I now dial the hospital or nursing station to ask if Mom is comfortable.
I try to take comfort in the fact she is spending more time sleeping which means she is comfortable. But I am sad for the moment I miss.
I am also saddened by the scared look that overcomes her at times when she is awake. I know she has faith and I know she misses my Dad but I also know she is scared and not ready to leave this life yet.
As a daughter with the same illness I struggle to remain strong and not give into the fear of my unknown future and what may lie ahead for myself and my family.
The other morning my sweet little 6 year old was snuggling with me and telling me how sad he is for Grandma. During the conversation my bright boy came to the scary realization that his Mommy has the same disease that his Grandma has. I saw the thought process on his face and the look of fear when he figured it out.
I tried to explain to him that each person with MS is different and that there are people working hard to find a cure so that people don't lose their loved ones because of MS.
At the end of our talk Reid felt a little reassurance. Even I believed the promise of hope I heard in my voice.
Faith and Hope.....perfect anniversary gifts.
