The Unconditional Gift - from a Mother to her Son

What lies ahead of you and what lies behind you
are nothing compared to what lies within you.

 I lay awake at night thinking about the upcoming graduation ceremony at my sons school.  He is in Grade 12, but I am unsure if he will be participating in this graduation.  That leaves me with a lump in my throat and a heavy heart.
I am also left with an enormous feeling of fear.  My son is a young adult who will soon be out of his own.  The fear comes from the fact that he doesnt have the maturity, responsibility and life skills that he needs.  I try not to see it as a failure by his Dad and I, but sometimes its hard.

It makes it so much harder to accept because I know the greatness that lies within Austin.  He is a brilliant, talented and focused young man when he puts his mind to it.  There are times in his life that he appears wise beyond his years.  He has a smile that lights up the room, and a sense of humor that I get....and love.  He has a heart of gold with the best of intentions at times.  Austin loves his little brother and sister and it fills my  heart with such pride to see him so kind and loving towards them.  He has great goals and a wonderful vision for his future.  All of these good qualities are one day going to help him reach the potential that is within him. 
 

Until he realizes that potential and takes the scary steps into adulthood I will continue to hold my breath....and love him unconditionally

Dad's Memory

I was brought to tears the other night when I tucked my 7 year old into bed. She was asking questions about Poppa Temple.
She wondered if he could see us, if he was in heaven with Buddy our puppy and she also asked more about what had happened to her Poppa's heart.
I get so sad thinking about all the moments we have missed with him. There are pictures and memories up until almost 3 years ago, the wagon rides the swimming pool in Poppa's backyard, sitting on his knee. Those are all wonderful memories and moments but my kids lost their grandpa way too early. He should have seen them play hockey and ringette, watch them play piano, sit on his lap while they read a story to him.

Today I am missing my Dad.  I realize after almost 3 years that it isn't any less sad.  My heart still aches for everything that was taken away.  But I am more focused on being the daughter that my Dad would be proud of, making sure that my children remember what a wonderful father and grandpa he was. 

My Dad leaving me too early cant be for nothing.  I have to make some good, focus on the things that were important to him so I can still make him proud.
I love you and miss you so much Dad.